27th October 1802

The end had finally came to an end,her ill - fated journey was almost over as for ours was just beginning. No ship built by human hands could withstood the pain and strain ,she was felling at the moment.I ordered all hands to the floor , as the ice near us started cracking, we started to sledge another the most important gear onto another more stable looking floor.The faces around me looked concerned and doubtful but we had to keep going no matter what happened we start what we finish.

28th October 1802

She was almost beautiful if it wasn't for the frosty snow covering her . Encased in ice, with frozen porpoises hooking to her into the West land packet.She was almost a part of it hope we wouldn't join her our journey was just beginning.The cold whiffs of wind blew through all of our fury clothing -right down our blood- as if we had no clothing on.We had some shelter next to her and the cold conditions on the vase open ice.It was bitterly cold , a small party was held to find a new camp. A few hours later, Ocean camp was set up a mile ad 1/2 away from her splintered and splatted Carlos's. The tents formed a semi circle ; flooding the giant blue sea it could drown thousands of people if they were to swim in it .

29th October 1802

We all glanced on the ocean camp as the last delicate pieces of her drowned. Now I was questioning if I should have stayed and fought for my country with armour swords and shields than choosing to be abroad better not be the leader that's even worse.The pieces sunk deep down in the blue crystal ice they were well gone. They were gone forever she was gone forever , a tear rolled down my cheek.I was in charge of 27 lives and I had the tough responsibility to keep them and their families alive.This was now my focus my 1 and only focus it was all new to me but I had to keep focused.Nobody know she is gone how was I going to tell them ? " Is this really how it ends" I whispered gazing at the stars. This time the tars formed a heart ,my heart warmed with happiness and hope .What did this mean ? Maybe it would be okay I just needed to believe.

30th October 1802

Since that night, I have been thinking of a plan . But the complains "When are we gong back home and " I wish I fought for my country" were pulling me back more and more.People were turning against me some even thought of leaving and setting a sail somewhere else . It did serve me right after all I dragged them through this mess after being the leader one of my biggest achievement it was my duty to keep them alive , we were running out of food and water and clothing , one man died of frost bite, we ate him for survival he was rather cold .We needed to I felt guilty doing it as I knew we should have barred him in a graveyard and set up a funeral but for the sake of our survival we just had to eat him he will, be remember forever . Tiny things like that were pulling me back I just couldn't help it it was all so overwhelming the anxiety . I needed to think I needed escape plan now .I went away to seek for shelter we needed shelter for survival I needed to keep them alive but it wasn't just for that also needed time take my mind of being blamed, and turned against and things happening to me . I left them playing hockey in the snow and they was a little igloo for shelter but that was about it . We had a little more supplies still left and there was remains of the man who died of frostbit we were too full to finish that .They had everything they needed . I let another person incharge as I set of on my own to seek for shelter .They would get the results later it was my time to shine The start of my own the start of my journey.