Dear Lady Olivia,

I have been overwhelmed by love! Your desire has struck me like a sword. I am aware that the loss of your family members is a truly sorrowful time. But you have let me, a man, into your life. You have been an idol for me since I have been your butler. Now I can finally express my emotions to you.

Your beauty has reeled my heart in like a fish on a rod. Your eyes shimmer like the shoreline. The waft of your perfume softens me until I am on my hands and knees.

Before I received your letter, I could only admire you from afar. I worked faithfully: I’ve stopped Sir Toby’s parties and those drunk people from Duke Orsino’s.

Even though the requests are rather peculiar, they were sent by yourself so I will be with you soon.

From your love,

M.A.I.O. xx