I was so cross that I didn't eat a single morsel, a single scrap, a single crumb of food that day. Fury written across my face, I stomped across the room like a particularly clumsy dinosaur. Eventually, the great ball of livid rage that had welled up inside me faded away.

Then, my friend Graham came to visit; a small, stout piggy-eyed boy with horn-rimmed glasses.

"Why were you so angry, Alex?" he asked. I felt a fresh wave of anger dominate me once more, making me roar with rage. "I only scored 9,364 goals in my football matchhhhhhhhhhhhh!"