It was just another cold day in Alcatraz I was dreaming for pie like always. I am writing this in prison as if it was a diary but since we aren't allowed paper in here for some reason im writing this on my last bit of toilet paper so I need to keep this short. Let me start off by how I got in here I was in a pie eating contest and they found it I was cheating I thought it was a pretty hard punishment but I don't really know. Oh no the toilet paper is running out!