I lashed the ball into the top corner of the net . My last-minute goal had enabled my Sunday-league team to win their thirteenth game in a row this season. I collapsed onto the floor and embraced the wet turf. What a win! Met Police (my team) 3 Bracknell Town 2!

I lolloped onto the sofa and turned on the TV to watch England v France in the World Cup semis.

But then I noticed something astounding. Instead of Harry Kane slotting home a penalty, I was lashing the ball into the net. It seemed to be me on the television...